Courage

Courage

            What is the real meaning of courage? To me, courage can be defined as “being the only one who knows your scared”. I believe that that is a quote from a military person but instead of “courage” it was “bravery” I believe at least. Well, anyway, I really feel that the quote still works. I guess could say that I have a heroic hobby, firefighting.  But yet I do not consider myself courageous.  But the way I see it, everyone is scared at one time or another and if you are able to do the task at hand, while being scared and you are the only one to know, then you have courage. Then to take it a step further, if you are scared, no one knows, and they feed off of your courage, then you are a very special person.

 If I was to say that one type of person is courageous, I would say that fire department officers are that special kind of person. But I guess I am a little bias on that but yet again it is one topic I know I can truthfully talk about through personal experience.  I can say from personal experience, I fire is a scary place that takes a certain kind of person to go in to. Knowing full well that the floor may collapse at any moment or the fire could be lying in wait for you behind that next door, is definitely nerve racking. Clearing knowing that the only think that is allowing you to breathe as you inch your way down a pitch black, zero visibility hall way is strapped to your back which could become entangled and trap you around the next turn only makes matters worse. Yet still a fire company line officer has to have all that on their mind and still be able to make spit second, life saving calls and being that rock of strength for every person on their team, being the person they put their trust and safety into. That right there is a person who has more courage than I do not know what.

            The only person who I could see being more courageous would be a member of a fire fighter rescue team, or a F.A.S.T Team. These guys are the saving angels of the fire service.  Knowing all of the before mentioned things, these teams go in after a trained fire fighter has gotten into a situation where they became unable to get out do to a collapse or something else very bad. A person on one of these teams knows that the structure is now completely compromised and is most likely going to fail, yet they still go in. yet knowing all of this, you now have to still find the person and effect a rescue that will most defiantly not be easy. And they still go in. My hat goes off to each and every one of these brave folks. To me, they are the absolute most courageous.

But that’s just me

Advice

 Advice  

            What kind of advice would I give to a younger self? That is an interesting question. First of all, I guess I would tell myself to really really watch yourself on the table saw. Like when you are making the table for your sister, just watch where your right hand is. That would be the first thing I would tell myself.

            Second: I would tell myself to cal back that plumber a whole lot quicker than you did. It doesn’t matter what you think now, but waiting sure did not turn out in your favor.

            Third: I would tell Amber how you really feel about her. Do not think that it would be forward or anything like that, just go and do it the first chance you get. Trust me; it would be more than worth it.

            Forth: I would tell myself to not be an ass to Mr.  Mannion. He really is a good guy who is just doing his job the best way he can and you are not the one to tell him how to do it.

            After that, I guess I would just kind of walk away and tell myself to have fun with it. I would say to just relax and live a little bit. If you do not, you kind of do end up wishing you did. But all in all, even if you do not, you will still end up fine. You really will not have that many regrets.

But that’s just me

P.S. Mr. Mannion, I know that this blog is only half the length it has to be. My reason is because I am just about falling asleep right now. But most of all, my finger is killing me right now. I do not want to see like I am complaining, but it really hurts. It is somewhere between stinging and sore. All in all, it is just terrible. Sorry about this.

Sincerely,

John

Worry

Worry

            Do I worry? That is a good question.  For the most part, I really do not. I could be considered cautious more than a worry wart. Yet even this weekend I have shaken a lot of that cautiousness that I once had.

            This weekend, I went camping. I went with Chris Garrett, Dan Hartig and a few others. Now camping is one of my favorite so that is not where I lost my cautiousness. I guess one part that I was kind of worried about was the drive. Kind of was because I was one of the drivers going up to Stokes State Forest. It was about a 2 and ½ hour drive and I was driving my mom’s explore, but I drove any ways. But it was during the fishing trip where I stepped way out of my personally worry boundaries. First of all I hate snakes, I makes sense, wait one. We were fishing and we saw a water snake just swimming along. Normally I would have run far away from it but instead Chris, his brother Ben and I chased it. We chased it for the better part of the day. This, for me at least, was very out of character, but I did enjoy myself.

            But there was one time where I was honest to god worried. Oddly enough, I was not when my thumb met my table saw. Heck, during this entire thing, I have been oddly calm, but oh well, anyway. The first time I was truly worried, was when I was going to the New Jersey State Police Trooper Youth Week. I will never forget it. I turned to a co-worker and said to I am nervous.  I have no clue why I was. But on a whole, I find it odd how I am really not worried.

            I think about life a lot. And when I look ahead, I have no worries. That is I have one. My main worry is that I will go through college and not have a job. I guess that is the main reasons why I want to l join the Marine Corps Reserves. Now, I do not would to join the Marines just to have a job. I honestly want to join and serve my country to my fullest. The way I look at it, I am a perfectly able young person. Who am I not to do all I can to help to further my country, the country that I love. But the way I look at and from what I hear, the truck battalion out of Red Bank is a great place to be, and I would have a guaranteed pay check and work for 4 to 6 years. So that is the truck I am really thinking about going, but I do not really know, I guess only time will tell and who knows what the future will bring. So is life.

But that’s just me

Dreams

            Dreams

Dreams, dreams, dreams. What are they? Do they have a meaning, or are they just an over active brain?  To be honest I really do not have dreams. I guess I really do not get all that much of a good night’s sleep for the most part. From what I heard, right or wrong, you mainly dream when you are in a certain stage of sleep. I guess that do to my lack of sleeping habits sometimes, which would cause me to not have dreams, all that often at least. But all in all, I have no clue. To be honest, I am very tired right now and I just want this whole blog thing to go away. It is not that I dislike writing them, because I actually do like writing them since they are different but tonight I am just not feeling it. But the heck with that, let’s just get the show on the road.

            It seems that most of the time I dream, it is about what is really on my mind that night. Lately I have been dreaming a lot about fire fighting and girls. The fire fighting I guess I can see since I am so close to graduating fire school. This as I am sure you know by now is a life time goal. I have always wanted to be a fire fighter. I cannot really tell you why, but I guess since my dad is one, it seems I was just born with it. It is just that it come so naturally to me. I would assume that the years I have spent hanging around the fire house has only grew that “inner fire” I guess you could say to be in the community service field.

            But then we have girls. I guess this is an expected topic to dream about. Here I am a single teenager. I am “unforgettable” as one girl has put it and “one of the best friends I have ever had” in the words of another. Why am I single, I have my own reasons in my mind, but on a whole, I do not really care. Would I like a girlfriend, sure but I am kin of happy as is. And you can only imagine what dreams involving girls lead to……….

But dreams I really do not have, instead I have almost mini dreams, call it de ja vue. I have that real bad at times. Would that be dreaming? Or I also have it happen to me where I will be just about to text a certain person, and she (yes she and it mainly seems to happen with a her) texts me. Or the best is when one night I jokingly said something to the dog and the very next day on your class she asked me a very specific question pertaining to what I said to my dog.  I guess that is the way I dream; I guess I am just physic, heck or maybe just nuts, who knows.

But that’s just me

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

            What is forgiveness? Simply out, it is the act of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake. Or in other words, letting go of your hurt feelings or emotions. But knowing what it is seems to be the simple part. To me, it looks almost a clean cut down the middle on if people can forgive or not. For me, I can find it very easy to forgive others.  Why, well to be perfectly honest, it would have to do with my religious views. Now, I am not a holy roller or anything like that and to be perfectly honest with you, I just about hate going to church. By the way, I am sure that was just about the last thing that you expected me to say, I know. But any way, due to my personal beliefs, I am able to turn the other check very easily. I am a big fan of the whole forgive and forget theory. As a matter of fact, I will forgive long before I forget. That is what I seem to always do. If someone really bothers me, I will just move along but I will never forget the occurrence. For whatever reason, that is just the way I am. The best way I have come to deal with the pain I guess is to find out why. Why did that person do something or say something that needs an act of forgiveness. After that is established, I find, it makes it a whole bunch easier, because now not only do you know why that person was mean but it could have been something you said or did in the first place. With that, I can forgive anyone, anyone except one person.

            But the person I guess really is not a person. It would be an action or an act. The act I would be talking about would be directly slandering my fire company. Now, I get extremely offended whenever someone takes a shot at any fire department, but you do not mess with my house. I guess I feel this way because of the fact that my whole life has been spent to protect it and support it. I guess next to breathing, the fire house, as I call it, is my first priority. Now I am not saying this because it is like a phase I am going through, but now I am able to see myself being able to finally start having an impact and finally be able to be involved on a serious level to help support and further the fire company. To be honest, I want to be a line officer, like a lieutenant, captain, assistant chief or chief. Now I do not want to be in one of these positions because I want to be popular, but instead I want to be able to put the fire company back on the track that it once was and try to re-sight some of the things we have lost sight on. But when it comes to slandering the department, I consider not taking care of the truck also, but that’s a blog in itself.

But that’s just me

Unfinished Business

Unfinished Business?

               Do I have any unfinished business? I guess I could say I do. One could call my wood shop project (projects, but that is for another time) unfinished. But I think what you are getting at is more on a personal topic over physical. Now, for me, my main project is personal. I put my heart and soul into most every project I do, so for me, my project is personal. But one could say that I do also have unfinished personal business in high school. I guess I have three things I want to complete for me on personal level.

               The first of which is getting an “A” in per-calc. Now for some as smart as me, or at least I have been told I am, should not be hard. But as you have heard, this class is quiet challenging. The heck with that, it is fricken hard. The class is mainly about a type of math that there is a great chance I may never, ever use. Yet right now, with the subject matter that we are covering currently, I feel that I can muster an “A” out this marking period. Will I, only time will tell.

               The second would be to get an “A” in physics. This class has one of the greatest teachers in central, I think at least. Now I do not say this because Mrs. Monari lets Chris and I sleep in class, but because I strongly feel that she is a good, quality, fun teacher. Some if the greatest times in her class have to be when she knows that we are never going to get something, and she does not like it enough to teach it. Now, I do not think that she is a lazy teacher, but on the other hand, she is the type of teacher who knows what works and not to mess with it do to the fact that it will only create a head ache for her. I want to get an “A” in her class mainly because it is easy and I know I can do it.

               The third is a true personal goal. Last night, after work, I was doing some thinking. I thought, what kind of person am I to be a jack ass to people. Now I know that being an ass to others comes naturally and does not bother them at all. Me on the other hand, It bothers the heck out of me for a while. There are a few teachers I want to apologize to. You, Mr. Mannion are one of them. I want to say I am sorry for freshman year. Looking back on that year, and your class, I have now realized that I said something to you that I now take back. That was in the last journal writing when I, in very sloppy hand writing said that you would make a terrible teacher. I now regret that statement. Right now, I feel that you are the best teacher I have ever had. I feel that you have not only taught me the material that you had to teach, but I have learned a lot about myself being in your class. So I am very sorry for being a complete jerk to you and I say thank you for being who you are. Please except my deepest apology, thanks.

But that’s just me

Wild Card

Wild Card

            What to write about. To many, this may seem like an easy topic. To me, this is like trying to write an occasional paper. You have the freedom to write about anything you want, but you want to seem cool and interesting. So that leads to the question, what the heck do you write about. Well, how about my weekend.

            This weekend started like most any other, well kind of. On Friday after school, Dan and I went up to the fire house to measure to see if a certain truck will fit in our back garage since if the stars align right, we will end up with it. The truck in question is the 2- ½ ton military brush truck that grew in fame and glory from my last occasional paper. As we arrived, we saw a guy from the HazMat team washing their newest truck, in the rain. After seeing this and mocking him for a little bit, we went in to the fire house. As we were walking in, two other members were strolling out. We exchanged greetings and moved on. As we walked through the building, we heard a noise coming from the back room. It was the asst. chief and this guy we call squirrelly. His real last name id curly, but squirrely is funnier. Again we exchanged greetings but afterwards we learned that there was left over food from a drill that was held last night and Dan and I were told to eat and drink all that we wanted. So, we heated up chicken marsal, stuffed shells, and ribs. Along with this, we had left over rolls and soda. Needless to say, we ate well. After that, we measured the truck, it should fit, and I dropped him off home. Later that might, like every other Friday night, I went to work. Work was plain and boring like any other rainy Friday night.

            Saturday was interesting. Not having fire academy, I want to work and was there a abut 9:30. We had some plumbing work to do. To make a long story short, with work that is, I clocked in at 9:30 am and clocked out at 11:09 pm. I went home and changed, but yeah, it was a long day. But that was not the interesting part. There is this girl that I think is the greatest in the world and to be honest I love her. A few blogs were kind of about her. But anyway, we are best friends and she has, very soon to be had, crappy boyfriend. He has never really acted like a boyfriend should and yesterday was the crowning jewel. All day, she waited for him to come to his apartment in Seaside, but he never showed. She was waiting from him so she could get her pain medications. All day she waited for him and he finally got there this morning. But all yesterday, I was texting her back and forth and just being there for her like a good friend should be. Most people would have just ignored her after a while but since I said I love her, and I really do, I stayed there. Saturday.

            Then today I went to a train show, got some train stuff and went to work, heck what else would I do on a weekend. And now I just wrote you a blog on my day. Sorry for sounding annoying, but heck…………….

That’s just me